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The Sandwich Story

The sandwhich is so common nowadays that no one ever thinks twice as to it's birth ( for that matter any foodstuf). It is said to have been invented by an Earl of Sandwhich, a voracious gambler, who asked for meat between his bread to save time for gambling. But here's putting things in a new perspective...... DOES ALL THIS TEXT LOOK BORING, Just Take Time To read It. even if it means saving this page on ur computer.......

1718: Birth of the Earl of Sandwich to upper class parents. Father is delighted at being appointed chief farrier to His Majesty the King- a poisition he will serve many years until he discovers he is a blacksmith and resigns embittered. Mother is a simple Hausfrau of German extraction, whose uneventful menu consists essentially of lard and gruel, although she does show some flair for culinary imagination in her ability to concoct a passable desert.

1723-25: Attends school, where he is taught riding and Latin. At school he comes in contact with cold cuts for the first time and displays unusual interest in thinly sliced strips of roast beef and ham. By graduation this has become an obsession, and although his paper on " The Analysis and Attendant Phenomena of Snacks " arouses interest among the faculty, his clasmates consider him odd.

1736: Enters Cambridge University at his parent's behest, to pursue studies in rhetoric and meta-physics, but displays little enthusiasm for either. In constant revolt against everything academic, he is charges with stealing loaves of bread and performing unnatural experiments with them ( Not like the warm apple pie exp. in American Pie .) These accusations result in his expulsion.

1738: Disowned, he sets out for the Scandinavian countries, where he spends three years in intensive research on cheese. He is much taken with the many varieties of sardines he encounters and writes - " I am convinced that there is an enduring reality , beyond anything man has attained, in the juxtaposition of foodstuffs. Simplify, simplify ". Upon his return to England, he meets Nell Smallbore, a greengrocers daughter, and they marry. She is to teach him all he knows about lettuce.

1741: Living in the country on a small inheritance, he works day and night, often skipping meals to save money for food. His first completed work - a slice of bread, a slice of bread on top of that and a slice of turkey on top of that flops miserably. Bitterly dissapointed, he returns to his studio and begins again.

1745: After four years of frenzied labour, he is convinced he is on the threshold of success. He exhibits before his peers two slices of turkey with a slice of bread in between. His work is rejected by all but David Hume, who senses the imminence of something great and encourages him. He returns to work with renewed vigour.

1747: Destitute, he can no longer afford to work in roast beef or turkey and switches to ham which is cheaper.

1750: In the spring, he exhibits three consecutive slices of ham stacked one on top of another. This arouses some interest specially in the intellectual circles, but the general public remains unmoved. Three slices of bread on top of one another add to his reputation, and while a mature style is not yet evident, he is sent for by Voltaire.

1751: Journeys to France, where the great dramatist-philosopher has achieved some interesting results with bread and mayonnaise. The two men become friendly and begin a correspondence that is to end abruptly when Voltaire runs out of stamps.

1758: His growing acceptance by opinion- makers wins him a comission by the Queen to prepare "something special" for the luncheon with the Spanish ambassador. He works day and night, tearing up hundreds of blue prints, but finally - at 4:17am, April 27, 1758- he creates a work consisting of several strips of ham enclosed, top and bottom, by two slices of rye bread. In a burst of inspiration, he garnishes the work with mustard. It is an immediate sensation, and he is commissioned to prepare all Saturday luncheons for the remainder of the year.

1760: He follows one success with another, creating "sandwiches" as they are called in his honour, out of roast beef. chicken tongue and nearly every conceivable form of cold cut. Not contentto repeat tried formulas, he seeks out new ideas and devises the combination sandwich for which he recievec the Order of the Garter.

1769: Living on a country estate, he is visited by the greatest men of the century: Hayden,Kant, Rousseau and Ben Franklin stop at his home, enjoying his remarkable creations at the table or ordering to take home.

1778: Though ageing physically he still strives for new forms and writes in his diary, " I work long into the cold nights and am toasting everything in an effort to keep warm." Later that year, his open roast-beef sandwhich creates a scandal with it's frankness.

1783: To celebrate his sixtyfifth birthday, he invents the hamburger and tours the great capitals of the world personally, making hamburgers at concert halls before large and appreciative audiences. In Germany, Goethe uggets serving them on buns( that's the catch, till now evryone had hamburgers without buns!!!!!)- an idea that delights the Earl and the author of Faust says - " This Goethe , he is some fellow." The remork delights Goethe, although the following year they break intellectually over the concept of rare , medium and well done ( ooooops ).

1790: At a retrospective exhibition of his works in London, he is suddenly taken ill with chest pains and is thought to be dying, but recovers sufficiently to supervise the construction of a super sandwhich by a group of talented followers. It's unveiling in Italy causes a riot, and it remains misunderstood by all but a few critics.

1792: He develops a genu vagrum ( bowlegs ) which he fails to treat in time, and succumbs in his sleep. He is laid to rest in Westminster Abbey, and thousands mourn his passing. At his funeral ,the great German poet Holderin sums up his achievements with undisguised reverence- " He freed the world from hot lunch. We owe so much to him."