Forsyth , was a big-game & a big bore. He had cornered a dinner guest in his trophy room to explain in great detail how each of his kills had been made. Pointing to a large tiger skin on the floor, he boasted, " I got that one in India. Just stumbled on him. I had no choice . It was either the tiger or me."
"The tiger was a wise choice," sighed the weary guest. "You'd have made a lousy rug."
What do u get when u cross a kangaroo with an elephant ?
Holes all over Australia !
An expert on whales was telling friends about the unusual findings he had made. " For instance, " he said, " some whales can communicate at a distance of 500 kilometres.
"What on earth would one whale say to another 500 kilometres away?" asked an astounded member of the group. "I not absolutely sure, " answered the expert, " but it sounds something like ' Can u still hear me? ' ."
A conscientious accountant is one who looks at a girl measuring 90-60-90 and simply says '240'.
Scampering across the polished floor, a mother mouse and her baby heard a noise. They hoped it would be a human, but it turned out to be the family cat. Seeing the mice, the cat gave chase.
Mother mouse felt a swipe of paw and claw. Turning around, she called in her loudest voice: " Bow Bow".
The cat ran off. Gathering her baby to her, and catching her breath , mother mouse explained, " Now, my child, u've seen the importance of a second language.
The mobster was on trial, facing a possible life sentence, but his lawyer bribed a juror to hold out for a lesser charge. After hours of deliberation, the jury returned a verdict carrying a maximum of ten years in prison.
Afterwards, the lawyer approached the juror. " U had me worried! When the jury took so long, I was afraid u couldn't pull it off."
"I was worried too!" answered the juror. " all the others wanted to acquit him!"
Judge to defendant: " Have u anything to offer the court before sentence is passed on u?"
Defendant : " No, ur honor, My lawyer took my last dollar."
A beautiful young socialite sought out a famous artist and offered him 5000 bucks to paint him in the nude. He refused, saying it was against his principles. A week later, she called him again and offered him 10000 bucks. Again he refused. When she called the third time and offered 25000 bucks , he said he would think it over. The next day, he called her and said he would do it, with one condition. " I'll have to wear socks," he said. " I need a place for my brushes."
She came into the room with her scalp bristling in pink plastic curlers. "What happened to ur head?" he asked.
"I set it" she replied.
He says, " When does it go off? "
Two men, who'd not seen each other 4 a long time, met on the street.
"Tell me now," said one, " did u ever marry?"
"Ah,yes" the other said, " my wife's an angel."
"Youre a lucky man," said the first, " mine is still with me."
Husband: " I've found this great job. Good salary, free health and accident insurance, paid holidays and coffee breaks."
Wife: "That's wonderful,dear!"
Husband: " I knew you'd be pleased. You start on Monday."
Wife to husband: " Charlie, I am warning u about ur hours. The night before last, you came home yesterday. Last night, you came home today. This evening, if you come home tomorrow, I won't be here."
Adam and Eve were in different parts of the Garden of Eden when the lord commanded Adam to go squeeze Eve's hand.
"What's a squeeze, Lord?" Adam asked.
The Lord explained, and Adam went and squeezed Eve's hand. The Lord told Adam to kiss Eve. Again, Adam was confused and asked for an explanation, which was given. And Adam went off and kissed Eve.
Then came the command for Adam to go forth and multiply.
Before long Adam was back.
"Lord," he asked, "what's a headache?"
Wife, at party, to husband embracing a sexy young woman: " Harold, the hostess said to mingle - not fuse."
A couple walking in the park noticed a man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.
"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.
"Honey," replied the husband, "I don't even know that woman!"
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